Are there different levels of "I'm sorry?"
When does it mean the most? When times are really bad; when you really fuck up or after a time period for everyone to reflex?
These two words are probably the hardest two words for any guy to say and especially for me. Why you may ask. Well, for selfish reasons. I very rarely if ever think I'm wrong in the situations from my past (I know this is wrong and I'm working on it). Before you start judging let me give that statement some legs to stand on.
I know I'm a very good guy, but I have some commitment issues and I know it. I was told by someone I really care about that I'm just like every other guy out there. That I'm no good, selfish and an ass. Don't quote me on those words but that's how it felt. I'm not stupid enough to act like words don't hurt because they do. When you hurt someone I guess their words carry a little more weight and cut a little deeper!
So where does I'm sorry come into play? I've hurt people before in my past but I've done it w/o trying. I've actually always done the opposite. I always try to make everyone happy. I don't make promises about the future, I just try my best to be a good guy and live in the moment.
When I was younger it was always about the next best thang!! Recently it's been about me and not listening to what people were saying with their words, actions and heart. I understand that now and want to start to see things through a different set of eyes.
Today November 8th it's about listening. I really do want to be a great guy, a committed guy and it sucks that in the past I had to go through some tough times to get to where I am today. I'm not perfect but I'm really going to try. I wanna be loved and I want someone to love. I'm sure there's someone out there that "hearts" me.
For anyone that I have hurt in the past "I'm sorry." I truly am sorry for the "lumps" and bruises on your heart. Not sure if the value of saying those words goes up as time passes, but if it doesn't right now, today for me they means the most!
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11 comments:
Whew!!! I almost dropped a tear on this one. Yeah, I'm soft so what. LOL! I think it means the most when you REALLY mean it. Don't just say I'm sorry because you feel it's the right thing to do especially if you really aren't sorry.
I don't think people intentionally set out to hurt someone (well most don't) when they're in a "relationship" or "living in the moment" but it happens. Our actions or lack thereof, have repercussions and we have to be ready to deal with them when and if they arise.
I'm glad you've realized that it's not always about the next best thang. Sometime the best thang is right in front of our face and we don't realize it until it's almost or is gone. Just know that your past helped bring you to where you are. The good the bad and the ugly have made you who you are today. Don't live with regrets. Take those life lessons and really apply them as you progress into your future.
I got a lil choked up when you said, "I'm not perfect but I'm really going to try. I wanna be loved and I want someone to love me." I think that's what everyone wants. I think when you really love I mean REALLY love someone you take them as they are and if you see things that could be better, in each other, work on them as a team.
I could go on and on but I won't snowball (as someone says I tend to do) but I'm glad you wrote this blog and I hope that your apology is recognized and received.
I think everyone is looking for the next best thing when they are younger. As you get older all of your friends are starting to settle down and to keep looking gets tiring after awhile.
Everyone wants to be loved and give love. Commitment is scary especially if your heart has been used up by "bad" people in the past. You live and you learn and those people helped make you who you are for the better or worse.
Commitment is for people with NO options. Have fun, play the field and when the right one comes along snatch her up like a frogs tongue to a bug!
haha...really Anonymous? remember people he/she said it not me! haha...is that you smiles? sounds like you...ha
I will say this...love makes you do some crazy things!!
I beg to differ Anonymous #2. Those who are in a commitment do have an option...to be with you or not! You even said it yourself, and I quote, "when the right one comes along snatch her up like a frogs tongue to a bug." Soooooo....does that mean when the right one does come along that person now has NO options? Please explain.
Just because the person use the phrase "options", I think people that us anonymous as their name are cowards, man up and put your name to stuff.
My comment goes like this.....commitment is a scary thing for men because we feel like we are losing a piece of ourselves, we feel this way because men are natural hunters. We work like this, we stalk our prey, come up with a way to get our prey, then we attack and conquer that is how men are made up. What tends to happen is in relationship women break up that course of events by rushing our attack and conquer part, they make us feel pressure to rush and be in a relationship we are not totally ready for. Whatever relationship you have there needs to be totally communication, and like i was told by someone, let her decide if she wants to be in that relationship. Dont Assume nothing and if you don't understand ask the right questions to understand. >>>>
And yes Loyal T when are in a committed relationship your options are shut down, that person is your only option...I know it's SCARY!!!! LOL
Well, well, well! Thank you Mr. TwoScoops for clearing up that mistaken identity.
Now...to address your comment. Commitment is not only a scary thing for men but it's also for women. I hope you don't think it's easy for us just because we're women? If so, you are sadly mistaken. Commitment is a two lane highway called GIVE & TAKE. (you can't find it on Mapquest though) We have to be willing to give up a part of ourselves and we as women (well most) are natural nurturers. So although you as men are “natural hunters” and want to “stalk your prey” once you get us we tend to be a little bit more open (those of us who haven’t been totally scared by past relationships) to things and are willing to TAKE you in, care (GIVE, a piece of the fabric of who we as women are ) for you and be in a “relationship” with you. And yes, I can say us modern women are a can be a tad bit aggressive but can you blame us...there's a man shortage so we gotta get in where we fit in...JOKES PEOPLE, ONLY JOKES. I TOTALLY agree about having communication with each other. If you cut buddies be cut buddies, if you homies be homies but make sure you don’t cross the line of demarcation because if you do you need to be ready to handle to repercussion of it. BTW…it’s not always just women that wanna rush into relationships there are men that have that tendency as well.
LOL! It is scary being in a committed relationship but when you’re in it together at least you know you have each other to lean and depend on. So as someone told me,"MAN UP!!" FYI…all options aren’t lost just because you’re in a relationship…you just choose not to pursue them. HA!
I guess b/c I am a woman I am agreeing with Loyal T. Women are just as afraid of commitment although they may not show it as much. I love when she said, "Those who are in a commitment do have an option...to be with you or not!" You just need to be with someone who allows you to act as silly as you normally do and be a goof ball. It's scary, but feels so amazing when you can finally exhale, be truthful and not give a F*ck b/c they love you who you are.
And TwoScoops when you find that person you won't care about the other "options" that are out there b/c you have the best option you could have ever found!
Loyal T I'm going with TwoScoops for three reasons:
A. He's a man
B. That's my homie
C. He's right and you're wrong!! haha
Just joking love the dialogue.
*said in my sarcastic voice* Really Uncle Charlie, really? LOL! Glad I could be of service.
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